This last week I've done nothing. Actually not quite true, I've done very little other than feel unwell and waiting for the up turn! Last night (slightly earlier than expected?) the "upswing" started and today, whilst still a bit "off colour" I feel okay - just in time for tomorrow's Bleo... which is the last but-one... hopefully.
Not much else to say, this down period wasn't as bad as cycle 2, but it wasn't great. But the fact that I knew I'd been through the worst one helped. Probably the worst part of this time was yesterday, when I had my first "flash back" through the whole process (thinking this time last week I was hooked with another six hours to go). It was my first, and only flashback so far and it took a bit of the wind out of me.
Still, only two bags to go and then we start the next part of my life...
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Friday, 15 October 2010
15/10/2010 Day 45 (part 3) - Death on the ward
Let's just cut to the chase - cancer is crap and it (can) kill.
That was brought home this evening rather abruptly. I (am lucky enough to) have private medical cover and so am treated in the private ward of Christies. One of the main benefits of this is that I have my own room - I don't need to interact with other people... There are pluses and minuses of this, one big plus (for me) is that I can pretend that there aren't any other ill people around - but there are.
Ironically, even though I have a private room I prefer to have the door open - so I can see what's going on (and it really helps the air circulation in the room). So it came as a shock when a mature orderly popped his head through the door and asked if he could shut my door (not usual). I asked why (tactless when I worked it out)? And my evening chemo-nurse said "oh it's just a couple of tests we sometimes run in the corridors". She was clearly hyper so that was the end of the conversation, and she also shut my window blind (also unusual).
Then the penny dropped. Pause... sound of trolley wheels going down the ward (left to right)... pause for a couple of minutes... sound of trolley wheels going up the ward (right to left)... pause for a couple of minutes... door/blinds opened by chemo-nurse.
Not much I could say, other than apploguise for being (in hindsight) rather tactless.
Puts it all in perspective again...
That was brought home this evening rather abruptly. I (am lucky enough to) have private medical cover and so am treated in the private ward of Christies. One of the main benefits of this is that I have my own room - I don't need to interact with other people... There are pluses and minuses of this, one big plus (for me) is that I can pretend that there aren't any other ill people around - but there are.
Ironically, even though I have a private room I prefer to have the door open - so I can see what's going on (and it really helps the air circulation in the room). So it came as a shock when a mature orderly popped his head through the door and asked if he could shut my door (not usual). I asked why (tactless when I worked it out)? And my evening chemo-nurse said "oh it's just a couple of tests we sometimes run in the corridors". She was clearly hyper so that was the end of the conversation, and she also shut my window blind (also unusual).
Then the penny dropped. Pause... sound of trolley wheels going down the ward (left to right)... pause for a couple of minutes... sound of trolley wheels going up the ward (right to left)... pause for a couple of minutes... door/blinds opened by chemo-nurse.
Not much I could say, other than apploguise for being (in hindsight) rather tactless.
Puts it all in perspective again...
15/10/2010 Day 45 (part 2) - I miss my family
Today had two real low points (apart from the x-ray "panic", which could have been the third). The first being that today's my little boy's seventh birthday and the first one I've missed. He from the photos I received had a good one, and I had a phone call with him this morning... but missing my boy's birthday was hard.
Still tomorrow he can go through it all again when I get home.
Still tomorrow he can go through it all again when I get home.
15/10/2010 Day 45 (part 1) - Don't panic, but I did!
Friday (today) was exciting for a number of (not necessarily good) reasons.
Firstly as is usual one of the SHOs/ward doctors came to see me this morning once I was up. I hadn't seen this chap before and he asked the usual questions (how are you today etc...) well I told him okay, except that in the shower I had to "clear my chest" (cough up some phlegm - nice!) three or four times.
And with that he was straight in there with questions like - was there any blood... Then he was out with the stethoscope and listening to my chest. And it was I'll arrange an x-ray for you... now. And so starts some mild angst in me... (I blame http://livethrivesurvive.blogspot.com/ - sorry Nick! who had a much more serious requirement of additional chest x-rays...)
I have 2 x-rays (back and side) then it's back to my room, and in comes one of the chemo nurses to take some blood from me (which they have only done before at the beginning of treatment - so that was unusual), and I feel my blood pressure rising.
And then... nothing... is that good/bad or what?!
Thankfully at lunch time my oncologist arrived for his weekly chat. First question (onc) "how are you", first reply (me) "well I am somewhat anxious..." and I tell him about the mornings escapade. This isn't (yet) in my notes so he stops me and goes to find out. Thankfully (very much thankfully) x-rays and bloods normal... I'll put it down to the bleo of yesterday and the fact I'm just vegetating in a chair.
The rest of the conversation was very good, I'd come up with a list of a dozen questions/things I'd noticed over the last cycle, which he noted a few things in my file and answered the questions as well as he could. Anyway I was basically happy as soon as he'd said the x-ray/bloods were fine!
Firstly as is usual one of the SHOs/ward doctors came to see me this morning once I was up. I hadn't seen this chap before and he asked the usual questions (how are you today etc...) well I told him okay, except that in the shower I had to "clear my chest" (cough up some phlegm - nice!) three or four times.
And with that he was straight in there with questions like - was there any blood... Then he was out with the stethoscope and listening to my chest. And it was I'll arrange an x-ray for you... now. And so starts some mild angst in me... (I blame http://livethrivesurvive.blogspot.com/ - sorry Nick! who had a much more serious requirement of additional chest x-rays...)
I have 2 x-rays (back and side) then it's back to my room, and in comes one of the chemo nurses to take some blood from me (which they have only done before at the beginning of treatment - so that was unusual), and I feel my blood pressure rising.
And then... nothing... is that good/bad or what?!
Thankfully at lunch time my oncologist arrived for his weekly chat. First question (onc) "how are you", first reply (me) "well I am somewhat anxious..." and I tell him about the mornings escapade. This isn't (yet) in my notes so he stops me and goes to find out. Thankfully (very much thankfully) x-rays and bloods normal... I'll put it down to the bleo of yesterday and the fact I'm just vegetating in a chair.
The rest of the conversation was very good, I'd come up with a list of a dozen questions/things I'd noticed over the last cycle, which he noted a few things in my file and answered the questions as well as he could. Anyway I was basically happy as soon as he'd said the x-ray/bloods were fine!
13/10/2010 And so (hopefully) the last cycle starts...
My (hopefully) last cycle of BEP started this last Wednesday (13th October), and on the whole it's gone pretty well. The main thing(s) of note this time around have been that I've been somewhat "hyper" for the whole three days. I think it's to do with the steroids, but I've noticed that almost all my conversations have had me in a somewhat intense frame of mind - barely letting anyone get a word in edge ways.
I did bring my laptop, in the hope of working through as I did in cycle 2's three day stay, but absolutely not a hope - my mind has been randomly uncontrollable and the last thing I have needed (this time) is actual work stress/concerns - so I've played the "sick note" and left them to it... also the Christies WIFI seemed to play up (honestly!) on Wednesday/Thursday - which was handy!
Other things, had lots of visitors this time - my folks (twice), my missus, my plutonic swimming friend, and a couple of other swimming friends, so I've been kept busy talking "at them"...
The treatment has gone well, it just takes so long:
I did bring my laptop, in the hope of working through as I did in cycle 2's three day stay, but absolutely not a hope - my mind has been randomly uncontrollable and the last thing I have needed (this time) is actual work stress/concerns - so I've played the "sick note" and left them to it... also the Christies WIFI seemed to play up (honestly!) on Wednesday/Thursday - which was handy!
Other things, had lots of visitors this time - my folks (twice), my missus, my plutonic swimming friend, and a couple of other swimming friends, so I've been kept busy talking "at them"...
The treatment has gone well, it just takes so long:
- Wednesday (Etoposide, 2 x Cisplatin and 1 x Saline) was much quicker than last time, but still didn't finish until 23:45.
- Thursday (Bleomycin, Etoposide, 2 x Cisplatin and 1 x Saline) took until 01:00, Friday,
- Friday (Etoposide and 2 x Saline) isn't scheduled to finish until 23:45.
Luckily, I still haven't been sick, so don't require the two "optional" bags of saline (or another eight hours!!)
I've couple of other things to report/say, but will do that in a couple of other posts.
Oh, the last thing of this post - what is it with me and flipping cannulas?!?!?! Poor old Dil (my chemo nurse on Wednesday) was the same nurse as cycle to who uttered the (now immortal to me) words "sorry I've hit a junction". Had more trials this time. Okay he got the cannula in first time (result!) but couldn't get any blood out of it - don't ask me why, the cannula is in a vein - so there should be some blood shouldn't there?!
Anyway try as he might, no go... But and this was brilliant. Instead of taking it out and searching for another one (vein) he asked if I wouldn't mind him using one of the "big" veins on the inner elbow for bloods? Result says I, straight in there no pain/slight scratch/whatever and all the blood he could hope for!!
Friday, 8 October 2010
Don't judge books by there cover...
Today's bleomycin was dealt with by a male nurse called Jim. Jim is enormous - think of a nightclub bouncer in an ill fitting Tuxedo and you won't be far wrong. But his cannula skills... brilliant. No pain (well hardly) on the stabbing bit, and definitely no pain on the pulling out bit. Utterly brilliant - couldn't ask for more, oh yes I could, sadly no foot massage today... but I'd rather no pain than pain-plus-sensual Julie!!
08/10/2010 Day 38 of 63 - I don't need a lecture!!!
Today has been interesting, I haven't posted for about a week, but that's good - because I've nothing to say (about my "favourite" subject...) Basically this last week I've been on my white-blood-cell boosters, the (quite dreadful) cold I got seems to have gone, some residual could-stuff but no big deal. So I've been working a bit from home, and basically feeling altogether better/happier with my lot.
Today, being Friday is bleomycin day, so what should have been 2/3 three hours at Christies. Well firstly, and most importantly, bloods were find and bleo was administered - so result. What I didn't mention last post was that I got myself a week's prescription of sleeping pills. These are/were a means to an end - I have not (other than with the aid of drugs at the last Christies "stop over") slept at all well. And I know why - it's the chemo-drugs, it's my body;s reaction, it's my over adrenilised body and mind. And I know that sleep is very good for you, and given everything that's going on in my body at the moment probably even more important.
I also know that you shouldn't become dependent on things like sleeping pills. Well hey, I know that, and currently they are a means to an end. And also with my week's supply I tried a couple of nights of not using them - to see if "Mr Busy Head" would let me sleep, it didn't so the next night I took one. I like to think I am somewhat of a responsible adult.
Now today, maybe because the Bleo ran late, may be because the consultant didn't hear/was busy, but they didn't sign me up for a second week of sleeping pills. So by the time 15:00 came around and my missus (and me) really need to get back home/to the day job, it became clear that even if/when they did give me a prescription it wasn't going to get fulfilled very soon. So I rang my doctors, got an appointment (16:30) and told the nice Christies people that I'd get my GP to do it - job done, or so I thought.
Got to the GP's on the stroke of half past. Got to see a GP (not mine, one of the locums, I think) and told him that as a means to an end I could do with a 7 day prescription for these sleeping pills. To cut a story short he gave me the prescription. But, and a big but, did I get a lecture on the "evils" of sleeping pills and how there are other ways of helping me (like anit-depressants!!!???!!!) and if I need any more then we really should think about something else... and then went on to write a longgggggg note on my records about this whole event.
I was staggered, given that I am 6 weeks in to chemotherapy (and that's a whole load of nasty drugs that can screw your brain and body up with), and that I've had to cancer operations and radiotherapy. And that all this is in/on my notes. Did it not occur to Mr GP that I might actually know why my brain is "busy", that I am in control of myself and know why I want the pills and why/how I should use them. What I don't need is an inappropriate lecture about their evils and I sure as hell don't want to go the anti-depression route - and that certainly isn't appropriate at the moment given where I am up to...
I like to think I handled it in a mature and sensible manner, but it was a close run thing...!
Today, being Friday is bleomycin day, so what should have been 2/3 three hours at Christies. Well firstly, and most importantly, bloods were find and bleo was administered - so result. What I didn't mention last post was that I got myself a week's prescription of sleeping pills. These are/were a means to an end - I have not (other than with the aid of drugs at the last Christies "stop over") slept at all well. And I know why - it's the chemo-drugs, it's my body;s reaction, it's my over adrenilised body and mind. And I know that sleep is very good for you, and given everything that's going on in my body at the moment probably even more important.
I also know that you shouldn't become dependent on things like sleeping pills. Well hey, I know that, and currently they are a means to an end. And also with my week's supply I tried a couple of nights of not using them - to see if "Mr Busy Head" would let me sleep, it didn't so the next night I took one. I like to think I am somewhat of a responsible adult.
Now today, maybe because the Bleo ran late, may be because the consultant didn't hear/was busy, but they didn't sign me up for a second week of sleeping pills. So by the time 15:00 came around and my missus (and me) really need to get back home/to the day job, it became clear that even if/when they did give me a prescription it wasn't going to get fulfilled very soon. So I rang my doctors, got an appointment (16:30) and told the nice Christies people that I'd get my GP to do it - job done, or so I thought.
Got to the GP's on the stroke of half past. Got to see a GP (not mine, one of the locums, I think) and told him that as a means to an end I could do with a 7 day prescription for these sleeping pills. To cut a story short he gave me the prescription. But, and a big but, did I get a lecture on the "evils" of sleeping pills and how there are other ways of helping me (like anit-depressants!!!???!!!) and if I need any more then we really should think about something else... and then went on to write a longgggggg note on my records about this whole event.
I was staggered, given that I am 6 weeks in to chemotherapy (and that's a whole load of nasty drugs that can screw your brain and body up with), and that I've had to cancer operations and radiotherapy. And that all this is in/on my notes. Did it not occur to Mr GP that I might actually know why my brain is "busy", that I am in control of myself and know why I want the pills and why/how I should use them. What I don't need is an inappropriate lecture about their evils and I sure as hell don't want to go the anti-depression route - and that certainly isn't appropriate at the moment given where I am up to...
I like to think I handled it in a mature and sensible manner, but it was a close run thing...!
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